Summary: In which an alien invasion is thwarted by a low-cut top.
For misslucyjane, because she wrote Ianto mpreg for me. Thanks to melinafandom for encouraging me and elynross for reining me in.
Jack stood by the sporty little spacecraft and ran his fingers through his hair. Tail fins. Holistic stabilizers. It was the heptagonal docking port that really cinched it, though. "Dalaegans," he said. "This is a problem."
Tosh was scanning and nodding. "Not a peep apart from the ship itself."
"Are they hostile?" Gwen asked.
"No, just the opposite. Too friendly. And they live in space, so if they're landing, that's no good at all. We won't be able to pick them out visually--they look human. They'll be looking for a place to pick out a mate."
"Shag us to death?" Gwen asked.
"Earth girls are easy," Owen muttered. He was scanning as well, with no better results.
"No," Jack said. "Not girls. Come on, we have to get back to the Hub on the double. I need Ianto."
"Eggs," Ianto said, just to be sure.
"Yes," Jack said.
"You want them to lay eggs in me."
"No!" Jack threw a shirt at him. There was an enormous Queen Anne wardrobe hidden in a packing crate on the ninth level of the Hub, containing a startling variety of clothing, both male and female. Jack and Ianto were alone, the rest of the team preparing for the hunt upstairs. "I want them to *try* to lay eggs in you," Jack said.
Ianto did not catch the shirt. He left his arms firmly crossed over his chest. "I don't want to be ravished by aliens, sir." He knew he was going to go--he had yet to say no to Jack--but really, eggs?
"I'll stop them before it gets past heavy petting. Promise." Jack looked over his shoulder again, grinning. His smile dimmed when he saw Ianto's face. "It's probably the least dangerous thing I've ever asked any of you to do," Jack said soberly. Ianto nodded, showing his acquiescence.
"If Ianto doesn't want to, we will," Tosh said over the radio.
Gwen chimed in, "We're getting microwave band chatter to the spacecraft from Cydonia, that new club. I've never been able to persuade Rhys to go--he says a ten pound cover is robbery. Tosh and I will go!"
Jack shook his head. "Sorry, girls, you're disqualified by your own attributes. They lay their eggs in the upper chest. You look pregnant already, to them."
"Bugger!" Gwen said from the heart.
"You could still take Owen," Ianto said.
"I'm taking Ianto, and that's that," Jack said over the radio.
"Oh, come on," Owen replied. "I can dance."
"God help us! Stop that, Owen," Gwen said, and she and Tosh both giggled over the radio.
"You know you want some," Owen said, then there was nothing but scuffling and laughing for a moment. Jack grinned and held a pair of fluffy white angel wings up to Ianto's chest.
Owen, slightly breathless, said, "The ladies are mad for the gays. Nothing reels them in faster. Twenty years ago I would never have had a cock in my mouth, but these days? Being a slut takes work."
Ianto pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes until he saw nothing but pulsing flashbulbs in the blackness. He felt Jack lean against his shoulder, shaking him, laughing soundlessly, then Jack kissed his cheek. Ianto leaned in toward the kiss before he could help himself. "Don't make me dance with Owen," Jack said.
"Yes, he might slip and fall on your penis," Ianto said.
"I have better aim than that!" Owen said.
Ianto shook Jack off and walked into the open wardrobe. He measured the waist of a pair of black leather trousers with the span of his fingers and found, to his utter lack of surprise, that they were Jack's size exactly. He then looked through the shirts. "Glitter," Jack said. "Sparkle signifies sexual availability to Dalaegans."
Ianto found a deep blue button-front silk shirt with a metallic silver pinstripe that would fit Jack beautifully. "I like this one," Jack said, pulling out-- Ianto refused to look, registering only that there was gold and it was sparkling very, very brightly. He took Jack's arm firmly and placed the blue shirt and leather trousers in his hands.
"Maybe a--" Jack reached for another part of the wardrobe.
"No," Ianto said.
"You don't even know--"
"No," Ianto said. "I see why you wear the same thing every day."
"I got tired of fashion a while ago. But that doesn't mean--"
"No," Ianto said.
"Dear God, what is he trying to put on?" Gwen asked.
"Elton John," Ianto replied.
"All of him," Ianto said.
"On Daleae, I'd have that ripped off my body in a mating frenzy before I had time to order a drink," Jack said. But he had the outfit Ianto had chosen folded over a chair, and he was stripping off his everyday clothes.
"You should wear more jewel tones, sir. The pastels wash you out." Ianto watched Jack shrug out of his pale blue shirt before turning back to the wardrobe to select his own clothes.
"I agree," Gwen said. "That light blue is lighter than your eyes. It's not doing you any favors."
"And you should wear your hems higher, show more leg," Owen said.
"I don't hear any of you working," Jack said. Ianto glanced over his shoulder and found Jack nude, glaring at the wall with his hands on his hips. His face, throat and forearms were lightly tanned compared to the paleness of his stomach and buttocks. His nipples were toast-brown and his cock dark pink, uncut, small in the chill of the Hub basements. Ianto's hand twitched--he wanted to hold Jack close, keep him warm, take better care of him than he took of himself, which wasn't difficult--
Ianto slid his eyes back up Jack's body. Jack winked, and Ianto swallowed. He couldn't pretend he hadn't been staring, so he didn't try. "You'll need different shoes as well," Ianto said. "Can't wear brown boots and black trousers."
"Of course," Jack said. He crossed the few steps to the wardrobe and knelt, still quite naked, to sort through the shoes at the bottom. His hair needed trimming, Ianto thought; he'd had to cancel Jack's last appointment due to a minor alien incursion. His hair, unlike his clothes, was kept in high fashion by a very trendy stylist.
Ianto didn't need different shoes. He wore low black boots, very presentable but comfortable for running, if needed. One never knew in Torchwood. He supposed his suit wasn't shiny enough to suit Jack's purposes, though, so he looked through the wardrobe for himself.
He managed to push the ghastly pelt of Elton John off the hanger and well into the back of the packed rack. The clothing was from all decades, back at least to the turn of the last century, and made for all sizes of people. Ianto wondered, briefly, before he managed to stop himself--if these were dead men's shirts, he didn't want to know.
Ianto found high-waisted trousers in charcoal wool that would fit him, then black braces, then a white Ramones shirt older than himself. He smiled. Back to his school days. He'd be shaving in a mohawk next, or some daft Flock of Seagulls pompadour made of black feathers.
"I am actually serious about the glitter," Jack said.
"Your teeth will do, if you stand just so," Ianto said, but he poked through the scarves and pulled out a slender white scarf striped with silver sequins and a slim-cut black jacket that was probably from the 80s. He glanced at Jack, who was half-clad and lacing up his black boots, and stripped down to his boxer-briefs swiftly while Jack wasn't looking. He had the new trousers and shirt on before Jack was finished lacing.
He followed Jack as they climbed the stairs up to the main level. Jack glanced back at him a few times, looking amused. Ianto wondered if he could feel the weight of Ianto's eyes on his arse.
To think, Ianto used to self-identify as straight. Not any more. Not since he came to Torchwood Three, even while Lisa was still alive. Jack was undeniable.
"Oh, look at you!" Gwen pinched Ianto's cheeks. "Let me put some eyeliner on you."
"Thank you, no," Ianto said.
Owen shook his head. "The gayer they look, the more you want them."
Jack embraced Owen about the shoulders, and Owen looked up at him suspiciously. "We should get some coffee later," Jack said.
"Gay for you would get me nowhere," Owen said. "Gay for Scarlett Johansson, that's more my speed."
"Coffee and a chat," Jack said.
"The chatter has stopped. I think they must be meeting up," Tosh said.
"Gwen's boyfriend is right, this is highway robbery," Ianto said. He frowned at the line. "We'll have to bribe someone to get in."
"We can afford it," Jack said. He sneaked his arm around Ianto's waist and marched them up to the door. The bouncer looked Ianto up and down for a long moment before letting them in, no bribe required.
It was loud in the front of the club. Jack didn't enjoy this kind of music, but he could tolerate it. He supposed it was more fun if the bass beat didn't sound to you like a bombing run.
Ianto pointed to a staircase, and they wound their way up for an aerial view. The aliens would stand out like a zebra among horses; people out of place always did. Jack got enough comments to know he didn't blend himself.
The club was full to the rafters with people trying to have a good time. Some were succeeding, others not, but they all made the effort, and it was glorious in its way. Jack leaned over the railing, looking for the worms in the apple, finding nothing; Ianto shook his head, as well.
Jack held his hands over his ears for a moment, making a pained face. Ianto took his hand and led him back down the stairs, through the crowd, and through another door to the chill out room. "I thought Americans liked it loud?" Ianto said.
"I'm a subject of Her Majesty," Jack replied. It was blue and watery here, lights swimming over the walls like fish in an aquarium. Jack loved it. "We should redecorate the Hub like this," he said in Ianto's ear.
"Good music, too," Ianto said, swaying. Jack smiled and took both his hands, but Ianto shook his head and pulled Jack closer to take the lead.
Jack resisted. "I'm a better dancer."
"I'm taller," Ianto said.
Jack shrugged. "No more than a centimeter." He tried to take Ianto's hip, but Ianto stood firm as a statue.
"It's etiquette," Ianto said without smiling. Jack could never tell when he was joking. He relented, because surrender cost him nothing, and got his reward when Ianto pulled him close.
The music pulsed like waves through their bodies. They swayed against each other, barely moving their feet at all. Jack draped an arm around Ianto's neck and looked into his eyes. "You always surprise me," Jack said.
Ianto gazed back. "There are right and wrong ways to dance, sir."
"Bollocks." Jack kissed him on his soft, full mouth. "Trust me," he said, his lips brushing against Ianto's as he spoke, "there aren't any rules."
"That's not what I said." Ianto's hands were still on his hips, gently moving him, and the feel of Ianto's jacket through the silk shirt sent a shiver through him with every breath. "Kiss me again," Ianto said.
Jack cupped his jaw and kissed him, open-mouthed. "Buy me a drink," he said.
"You have the expense account," Ianto replied.
"But you're taller." Jack grinned. "Soda water. It sparkles."
Jack headed back out into the noise as Ianto went for drinks. He scanned the mosaic of faces again, looking for that hint of wrongness, but found nothing. His radio beeped in his ear, and he went into the aquarium room to report. "We're in. It's quiet."
"Still nothing outside," Owen said. He and Gwen were posted outside the club, while Tosh was monitoring the ship from the SUV.
"If you hang around with your shirt open, you might draw them in," Jack said. "That's incredibly slutty to them." His was undone to the third button, showing the line of his pectorals coquettishly.
"From emergency doctor to alien streetwalker. My life," Owen sighed. Ianto returned with soda water with a cherry in it and a glass of beer, and Jack disconnected the radio.
"Thank you, Daddy," Jack said. Ianto wrinkled his nose reproachfully. "You started it," Jack said.
Heading back up the stairs, they were both getting looks, but not the right kind. They weren't here to pull. Actually, Jack couldn't remember the last time he'd gone out to pull. Torchwood brought the interesting people to him.
Ianto took Jack's shoulder and pointed down at the crowd. Jack searched until he saw what Ianto saw: A man stroking the shoulders of another young man, who looked puzzled. Jack sucked down his drink, cherry and all, and ran downstairs. Puzzled was the key. Everyone else in here knew what they wanted and whether they were getting it.
But the aliens weren't so easy to find downstairs. Jack made a circular motion to Ianto, and Ianto nodded and headed left around the bar. People everywhere, dancing and leaning on each other, drinking, drunk, trying to be happy.
He saw Ianto's head briefly above the crowd. He was sitting on a rail, talking to a man in a plastic shirt. Smart boy. Jack made a beeline, counting Dalaegans as he went.
Five. Their eyes went straight to Jack's chest as he reached Ianto and took his hand. Ianto's grip was very strong, his palm slightly damp. "Hello!" Jack shouted over the music.
The Dalaegans had vivid mauve lips, a sure sign that they were in season. Nobody thought very clearly when their gonads shouted that loud; Jack wasn't surprised they'd gotten lost. Jack unbuttoned his shirt one more button, letting it slip off his shoulder, and two of them whimpered and held their ears with lust. After that, it was easy to get them outside.
Gwen and Tosh had to explain the situation, though. None of the Dalaegans could stop staring at the three men's chests.
"Excuse me," said the driver of the ship after some private consultation among the group. "If those are not your egg planes, what are they?"
"Only muscle," Jack said. He opened his shirt and showed them the lack of egg slits under his collarbones with a torch.
"Appalling!" one of the others said. Their lips all turned purple with disgust.
"Different species," Jack said.
"Clearly," the driver said, pulling his coat up around his ears. They all looked spooked as they filed back into the ship. Jack smiled as he watched them go; kids were the same all over.
"Ianto! My office!" Jack called as they returned to the Hub. "Everyone else can go."
Ianto unwound the scarf from his neck slowly. He glanced at the others, but nobody seemed to find anything amiss in Jack or himself. Did they always act like this? Were they always flirting, or had he perfected his poker face at last?
Ianto looked in at Jack lounging at his desk and realized they were simply always flirting. Gwen shot out of the Hub without a look back, but Owen and Tosh sat checking their email or some such as Ianto shut the office door behind him. "Sir," Ianto said.
Jack grinned, showing his perfect teeth. "Do you want me to call you 'sir?'"
"You're sending me mixed signals," Jack said.
"You want me to kiss you on your terms," Jack said.
Ianto wrapped the scarf around his hands behind his back. "I suppose so." He could still feel the kiss on his lips, Jack's hands on his hands, Jack's hip against his hip, and it was terrible. He'd made such a mistake.
Jack was watching him, his head tipped to one side. "Okay. Just let me know when you want me to kiss you again," he said, half a smile playing across his lips.
Ianto glanced over his shoulder. Owen was gone, and he couldn't see Tosh. He wrapped the scarf around his wrist fitfully.
"So, that's all I had," Jack said.
"Kiss me again," Ianto said. He wished immediately that he hadn't, but Jack beamed and stood up, so he was committed.
Jack paused, looking past Ianto. "I said go home," he said into his radio. He gestured through the window, shooing Tosh away.
"Yes, yes, I'm leaving. But let Ianto go, for heaven's sake," Tosh said.
Ianto activated his radio. "It's nothing. We're discussing shades of blue." Jack dropped a hand onto his shoulder, and Ianto's skin burned, burned, burned as he waited.
Then Jack removed the radio from Ianto's ear. "Kiss you where?" he asked, so close that his lip brushed Ianto's earlobe.
Ianto couldn't answer. He breathed in sharply, trying to knock some air into his constricting chest.
"What?" Jack asked.
"You scare the hell out of me," Ianto said. He met Jack's eyes for a second, but had to look away from the shock on his face.
"If this is about--"
"No," Ianto said, not wanting to know how that sentence ended. "No."
"I would never force you."
"Of course not," Ianto said, letting out his breath.
"Dammit. Tell me what you're thinking." Jack walked in front of him and took his face in both hands. "And if you need that to be an order, it's an order."
"This isn't the military. You can't order me to do anything I wouldn't do anyway." Ianto met his eyes. It was that or look at the floor. "But I think I would do anything you ask me, and I know what I'm capable of."
"Ianto." Jack took his shoulders, then pulled him into an embrace. Ianto held completely still. "So this is about--"
"Please don't say it," Ianto whispered. He still smelled burning metal and burnt flesh in his dreams.
"You're shaking," Jack said.
"Yes." He clenched his jaw and knotted his hands in the scarf to keep them still, but he couldn't stop the long muscles of his arms and legs. If he fell in love with Jack-- No, he'd been in love with Jack for ages. If Jack fell in love with him...
"I won't lose my mind. I won't go power-mad. I'm old, I'm very, very old, and I've been in Torchwood a very long time, and I know how fragile this planet is. I'm trying to do what's best. I need you to believe me, Ianto."
"I do," Ianto said, because he did.
Jack's hands slid from Ianto's back to his head as he pulled back and stared, eyes wide, into Ianto's face. His focus flicked from one pupil to the other.
Ianto had to cut the Gordian knot. He had to make this simple. "I said kiss me."
Jack kissed him. He kept his mouth closed until Ianto dropped the scarf and grabbed his hips. Ianto's hands shook, his teeth chattered against Jack's, but he couldn't stop. When Jack would have stopped, Ianto clutched his shoulder and held him close.
"Come back to mine," Ianto said.
Jack held him at arm's length for a long moment. Ianto held his eyes. He could strike a pose, he supposed, but he already knew he could make Jack shiver just by straightening his tie. He knew Jack wanted him.
"I can't say no to you, either," Jack said.
Jack couldn't take his eyes off Ianto. It wasn't often that he didn't know what the hell was going on, and he loved it.
It was a short drive. As soon as Ianto stopped the car, Jack took his hand and kissed the ball of his thumb, trying to relax him. Trying to keep him, honestly.
"Come inside," Ianto said. He pushed Jack against the wall of the lift and kissed him as soon as they stepped inside, only pressing the button for the fourth floor as an afterthought. He slid his hands up and down Jack's sides, and his touch through the silk was amazing, too good for everyday. That was why he wore cotton.
They stumbled, wrestling each other inside the door, but ended up on the couch, where Jack could unbutton the scavenged grey trousers and pull them down Ianto's long, lovely legs. "It's not fair. You've seen me naked already, so there's no surprise," Jack said, rubbing Ianto's thighs.
"Please, Jack!" Ianto was breathless. He nearly convulsed when Jack kissed his cock. "Oh, God, oh, Jack, God, no--"
Jack pulled off. "No?"
"I mean yes, not no, yes, please," Ianto groaned. He grabbed Jack's head with both hands. Jack pushed him down against the seat of the couch, one hand on his chest, the other on his thigh, his mouth on Ianto's cock at an angle that made his neck hurt. Didn't matter. The pained sounds he dragged out of Ianto with every lick told him just how necessary this was.
Ianto shouted when he came. Mouthful of come, that had been a while. A long while. Jack swallowed, stroking Ianto's stomach. He crawled up onto the couch and embraced him.
Ianto clung to him with arms and legs. His face was streaked with tears. "Ianto," Jack said, and kissed his cheek.
"I'm all right, I'm all right. I'm fine. I just, oh, God, will you just stop listening to me?"
"Impossible. Sorry." Jack kissed his eyelids.
Ianto should be tired, or at least sleepy from the comfort of Jack's embrace, but his skin was buzzing and he couldn't stop staring at the blue of Jack's eyes. They were so close that Jack's nose was lying atop his. He could see the ripples of grey in Jack's irises, the pink tracery of capillaries in his eyelids when he blinked.
"Jack," he said, when he could speak without babbling. "Thank you for saving me from ravishment by sex-crazed aliens."
Jack laughed. "Ravishment by sex-crazed captains is better?"
"Much." Ianto sat up, slowly. Jack took his hand, and Ianto held him tight.
"What are you thinking?" Jack asked.
He didn't know. He couldn't think. He took his shirt off, realizing as he did that he was naked from waist to ankle. He draped the shirt over the arm of the couch and bent over to untangle trouser, sock, and shoe.
"Ianto. What are you thinking?"
Ianto kicked free of his clothing and stood up. "That I feel much better." He pulled Jack up beside him and Jack kissed him. "You can lead now," Ianto said, blushing at his own eccentricities tonight.
"Why? I like where this has gone so far." Jack took his arse in both hands and squeezed hard enough to make Ianto gasp. Ianto slid a hand into Jack's front trouser pocket and walked backwards, leading Jack to the bedroom.
The bedroom was dark, blinding Ianto for a moment, but he shut the door and kissed Jack against the smooth wood. When he opened his eyes, the moonlight through the open window showed him his tidy room and Jack's eager features alike in soft shades of grey. Ianto walked backwards the two steps to the bed and pulled Jack down on top of him.
Silk and leather against his bare skin. The man inside them, huge and strong. Ianto's heart pounded in his ears so loud that he was sure Jack could hear it, could maybe get the message: I'm yours, and you terrify me. You terrify me, and that's why I want you. It's only love.
"Ianto. I want you," Jack said, and that was all the encouragement he needed; he was already popping free the last button on Jack's shirt, then wrestling him out of those body-clinging leather trousers. They were hot from his skin. They left him smelling delicious.
He kissed Jack's calf, his knee, rubbed his cheek up the inside of Jack's thigh so Jack gasped and his cock jerked on his belly. He pushed up the other leg and sucked the head of Jack's cock into his mouth, holding onto his strong thigh, feeling triumphant as Jack's foot curled against his ribs. That was Jack's intimate, human flavor on his tongue, and it was terror and joy all at once. He took Jack's hand and felt the pulses in their thumbs beat in time.
He let go with a long, loving lick to Jack's cock. "Do you mind?" he asked as he kissed Jack's stomach. "Can I have you?" he asked the underside of Jack's chin. He still held Jack's thigh, pushing it up between them to lay Jack open.
"You had better," Jack said. Ianto pulled the lubricant and condom from inside his pillowcase, and Jack grinned. "Naughty secretary," he said.
"I put condoms everywhere you could conceivably be," Ianto said. "You haven't noticed?"
"Honestly, I blamed Owen. And--oh. Keep doing that. Keep doing--do that harder," Jack said. Ianto obliged, watching Jack's face, adding another finger when Jack begged.
"Oh, God, you beautiful creature," Jack said when Ianto slid into him. Ianto had a knee on the bed and Jack's thigh over his shoulder, and Jack had a hand on the wall through the rails of the headboard and they were a picture in leverage, opposing forces working against the central point of friction that was Ianto's cock shoved all the way to the balls in Jack's sleek and gorgeous arse. Ianto clutched at Jack's shoulder and sucked and scraped with his teeth at his tender chest.
Jack called him amazing at the top of his voice as he came. Ianto finished more gently, cradling Jack's shivering body in his arms. He tried to shift his weight off Jack, but Jack rested both hands on his head and wouldn't let him.
After his third orgasm, Ianto finally smiled. "Do that again," Jack said.
"No, I can't move," Ianto mumbled. He was sprawled on his back. The pillows were long gone and only the sheets still clung tenaciously to the bed.
Jack pulled a sheet over them both. "I meant smile," he said.
"I am smiling," Ianto said, and he was, broadly, as he fell asleep in Jack's arms.
Ianto had to throw away the top sheet. They'd managed to tear it, right down the middle, though he couldn't imagine how. "Hurry," he told Jack. "The pterodactyl starts nibbling the wiring if she doesn't get her meals on time."
"I'm moving as fast as I can," Jack said--an obvious lie, given that he was fussing with his hair.
Ianto rolled his eyes and slapped Jack's arse. "You look fine."
Jack raised an eyebrow at him. "Start that and we won't get in at all."
"I don't have a coffee pot at home, only a kettle. No coffee until we get to work."
"Well, if you're going to play hardball, let's go." Jack took him by the waist and hustled him towards the door. Ianto dug in his heels just long enough to grab his coat for Jack, who was still in the blue silk shirt and leather from last night.
"Here, you'll catch your death," Ianto said.
"Coffee," Jack said, pulling on his arm.
"I have to lock my *door*," Ianto said, "we're not all living in the future, you know--" and he caught sight of his neighbor, also locking her door. "Oh. Good morning, Miss Jones."
"Good morning, Mr. Jones." Her eyes flicked from him to Jack, and she was biting a smile off her lips. "You'll be late for work."
"I was there late last night, so they owe me," Ianto said. Jack was standing by the lift. He was wearing the coat, so he looked a little less scandalous.
"Oh, yes, very late--" She burst out giggling.
She looked from him to Jack and Ianto realized how soundproof his apartment walls frequently weren't. "Oh," he said.
"Congratulations," she giggled, barely comprehensible. Ianto's cheeks flamed.
"What?" Jack asked as they reached him.
"Americans are so loud," Ianto said, and then he couldn't help giggling either; by the time the lift arrived, Jack had to hold him upright.